God Damn it Person of the Day - The Guy In First Class Who's Really Settled In

Whenever I board an airplane and head towards the back to find my seat in low class, I'm always amazed at how settled in the passengers in first class have managed to become in the mere 10 minutes they've been on the plane.  How do they do it?

I'm always sitting in or around the 3rd to last row, so I'm usually in the first group to board after the high-rollers, orthodox jews (always have like 5 kids and 3 strollers), and "old" people who get that bullshit pre-boarding.  (side note:  the "old" person pre-boarding is complete malarkey, just because you're on the other side of 60 doesn't make it that hard to board a plane especially given how fit these 60 year-olds are these days. They already get cheap movie tickets and those sweet Sopranos-style sweat suits you get to wear in those over 55 only sex communities in Florida, they can wait until zone 2 is called to board).

Anyway, so I'm doing that awkward sideways walk down the aisle so I can push my carry on with my knee and not smack people in the face with my backpack, and there are these judgmental assholes sitting there sipping orange juice and reading the newspaper with their shoes off.  They're just lounging around with no cares in the world, and making absolutely zero eye contact with the heathens heading back towards Steerage.  They're propped up in their double wide thrones and probably looking for a honey moon couple to invoke their right of primae noctis on.

It routinely takes me a solid ten to fifteen minutes on a plane before I settle in.  I have to make sure I've optimized my leg room by snaking more than my allotted amount of overhead bin space, done a quick terrorist sweep, checked my nearest exits in case of a never going to happen water landing, and read the airline magazine to check the movie so I can decide what my next three hours look like before committing to a book or magazine.  Yet, I get on the plane and there is some guy in a crisp suit and tie with a full work spread, reading notes and building models on his Sony Viao laptop with wireless internet.  We get it bro, you work hard, you can afford first class, why dont you sit back, wait until take off, eat your overrated airplane food and stop being such a douche.  God Damn It.