Does anyone else think that something shady is going on with Girl Scout Cookies? Where is all this money going to? The Girl Scouts sell approximately 200 million boxes of cookies a year, at $3-$4 a box. That is a ton of revenue and they have a massive child labor force to whom they pay nothing. Think about the profits!
I can't help but picture some gigantic fat lady just sitting in some corner office crushing Tag-Alongs while 9 year old Brownies wait on her hand and foot like she's Jabba the Hut. Meanwhile, downstairs there's probably some thick lady from Bavaria just training girl scouts to be as cute as possible and sell more Samoas to feed this cash machine. Do the girl scouts themselves see a dime of this money? It can't be all going to these programs, after all, how much does it cost to rent out a church basement and buy some construction paper to make a diorama? I'll bet there's some evil Boy Scout leader just waiting on the other end for his cut, out there somewhere in the woods with a Gaddafi-style luxury tent set up, carving Ferraris out of logs with 24 karat gold Swiss army knives. If I somehow turn up dead at a pristine camp site somewhere in upstate New York, you will know I was right about this.
In searching for some further color on this cookie conspiracy I stumbled onto Andy Rooney's Girl Scout Cookie Segment from 60 minutes. I have to say I think I agree with the old lunatic. Sure, he's good for a couple of classic pointless Rooneyisms like, "I like peanut butter and I like cookies, but I've never liked peanut butter cookies," but the man makes some solid points. It's almost as if his over-the-top grumpiness has actually served a purpose for once. These cookies are mass produced by cookie corporations, bought in bulk and sold at a mark-up by the Girl Scouts, making the Scouts essentially glorified retail merchants with pigtails. No chance they're paying taxes on this stuff either. What ever happened to the good old days of the local bake sale? Oh shit, that was me who just wrote that, not Andy Rooney. God Damn It.
PS - These girl scout cookies are just about the least healthy thing ever. Thank you Girl Scouts for feeding America's obesity epidemic and helping increase my share of US health care costs. Stick to sewing badges on that green sash and leave the cookies to the Keebler elves, those guys cook with straight up magic and rainbows.
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